Welcome to 2007

So... the New Year is here... 2006.... errr !! sorry 2007...
Well... it's just another new day... Now I will have to get used to writing (or typing, or making a mental image) of the new year 2007 instead of 2006. And with the clock striking 12 on the watch the day, date, the year changed. Time for new resolutions. Time for rediscoveries. Time for reevaluations.
Like Birthdays, New year gives us a sense of time. A sense of nostalgia of all that happened in the past 365 days pervades in our psyche. A trip down the memory lane of how the last New Year was spent and celebrated. A sense of regret or acheivement over how the last year was spent. And a mental movie of how we want our forthcoming days to be (for the next 365 days atleast) runs in our mental background. Expectations rise. Dreams soar. A sense of Present Past and Future materialise. Anticipations crystallize.
I went through these motions too. Like every year, I made a resolution not to have any resolutions this year. Like every year I told myself to make my life more purposeful. Like every year, I warned myself that this year is critical. Like every year I told myself that I needed to change the direction of my life.
The tragedy of the whole thing has been that this is what happens every year. Its the same resolutions, its the same sense of underacheivement, the same sense of void, the same anger at how you have accepted the life for what it is and how you haven't put enough drive to change its direction, and in the end, the whole indifference to the lessons of the past. Of course, thats how losers live. And I'm afraid I have been just that so far.
I look at all my friends around me and see how much they have acheived so far. Not just in terms of professional growth. On personal, spiritual and mental levels, they have grown by leaps and bounds. They are adults in the true sense of the word and I seem to have regressed to the days of adolescence - never too sure of anything, wanting to do too many things, unable to sustain extended periods of efforts. So far I had taken all this in my stride telling myself its a part of my growth. May be its time to realise that the growth is stunted.
Yeah, I want to change the world, and I'm telling myself that I 'm biding my time. I think the time is here, Its this year. And it starts with me, myself. Yes, this year is critical. Yes there is a lot to acheive. Yes, this world needs to be changed. Only this time, I want these sentences to mean much more then their literal meanings. Only this time I do not want the 366 day from now have a deja vu feel of today. Only this time, I really want to look back and say I have grown, that I'm different from what I was. And what I have been, is a loser.