Well Well and Well... Here we are again... And this time I am out talking about crises. Mid-life crisis, End-life Crisis, Quarter-Life Crisis (thanks to Kesava)... the Mid-Quarter Life crisis, the three-quarter-life crisis (now... this is all my imagination, but believe me there are Scientific studies that show these crisis do exist...!!!). Being 25, I have my crises to deal with - (courtesy: Kesava - Quarter Life Crisis), but for me its been heartening to know that I am not alone. Look at J.D. Dr.John Dorian, from one of my favorite current sitcoms Scrubs. Isn't he way too familiar. The everyday guy who is always looking for approval from his superiors, always wanting to be liked by his peers, at the same time wanting to stamp his intellect, at the same time looking for that one perrr-fect woman. That boy has got some issues. Working at the hospital has its own everyday, perennial momentary crises, but the way these crises translate across different contexts - my god, am I seeing my life in there? Well, I do not work at a hospital, nor do I have Perry and Kelso to report to, but yeah... I wanna prove myself nevertheless among my peers, help people when I can (though I might not have saved lives!!!!) and be a successful Doctor someday. Not the steth types though, but you get the picture. And so, all of JDs issues and mini-crises seem to reflect on some level, the crises that I face everyday. As a PhD student.
Take Friends. Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey and Rachael. Why do I think I see much of myself in all of them? Okay, so, so many of their crises revolve around relationships, marriage, and... relationships again... except may be Joey and Rachael, who also go through a transformation of sorts with respect to their careers, but they do mostly have a crises of their relationships. Who should they sleep with, who should they propose and who should they marry!!! Of course, these decisions get tangled due their intimate friendships, and frictions and dictions with each other, but the beauty of this sitcom was probably the hope that you could always fall back on your friends to help you face with your crises. Something I really did with so many of my friends around... till they were here. And like the final season and the season finale, there have been marriages, houses and jobs in LA... that just spread us out. Well, season finales are a crisis themselves for the cast. But I guess we get our own spin-offs, which rarely are as good as the Originals... so there, another crisis to add... a spinoff crisis.
And then there are Carrie and her friends. Never before had I thought that "getting lucky" would mean so much. Well, I still do not know if its different between the genders and SATC was predominantly from the female perspective, but among the half-jokes and half-truths between friends, I have realized that biology dominates your psychology. Whatever that means. So there, another crisis. Though I didn't exactly identify with the crises in SATC, it did make for some interesting viewing, and over time, introduced a new crisis in my life(!!!).
But then, come to think of it, everything on tv is about crises. The news is full of it. The ads are full of it. Its like sex (oops, I heard myself saying the word) in the US...everywhere... just ubiquitous. Come to think of it, the whole life is about crisis. School was full of it (the crisis!!!). So was college. So was undergrad. So is now. Its not just me. There are these friends of mine who face professional crisis everyday. When they have a lot of work. When they do not have a lot of work. And personal crises. When there is no body filling their life. When there are smitten damsels writing poems about them. And financial crisis. When whatever money you earn is not enough. And familial crisis. When you are far from your family. Crisis here and crisis there. Crisis everywhere.
Sometimes I wonder to think where would we be without a crisis. Or a conflict. Its probably that, thats what makes us human. Whywould anybody want to watch a perfect superhero if there was no element of crisis in his story. What makes us human is probably the hope that we can get through it. Joey found his own show in LA. JD earns Perry's respect. Carrie scores BIG-time. Chandler and Monica finally adopt a baby and buy a new house they like. And so on. This is probably not the end to crises. But then may be every crisis can be won over. May be thats what we need to live life. To sleep and dream every night. Of facing challenges and conflicts and crises. And see through them. And live through them.
Well that was not exactly groundbreaking. Such a cliche. But then whats the right way to deal with it?? Keep thinking about it?? Just take it as it comes??? May be a better question to ask is, what works!!! For some, indifference is the answer. Indifference to different factors makes you immune, kills the crisis in the womb, there is no crisis at all. For others, its the hard way. Being in the crisis is the only way to learn to deal with it. Whether it teaches you to be indifferent, or makes you more sensitive or more cunning or wicked, its your experience, your lesson and a part of your growth. I dunno if there are universal crises that have universal lessons. Religion has been a universal crisis. Death has been a universal crisis. Marriage is a universal crisis. Yes I guess. A universal lesson? May be. I don't know. But I hope there is. I hope there will be. Till then I shall dream of being a superhero!!! or JD. or Ross. or Chandler. May be one day, if I face enough crises, my life will be a sitcom too. Hell, it already is. It always has been.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Four Weddings and an Engagement
Hiya all...New Year started with a spate of photographs from friends who committed sins in the sin city, as well as friends who succumbed to the original sin... Well, pardon me for equating marriage to a sin (that too Original), but the whole mythology, religion are slowly getting to me. I'm not sure at this stage if the Original sin refers to the marriage or ... for lack of an appropriate word, consummation (I can look into google about it, but ... may be later), but I guess at this stage they do not mean two too different things. After all, you need marriage for consummation, so each of them is a partner-in-crime for another.
Almost all the girls I have known got married, but I was a little taken aback when I knew a lot of my friends who were guys were getting married. Of course, a couple of my very close friends had got married a couple of years back itself, but I knew them much better than anybody else, so the element of surprise was .... well...not an element at all. But here it was not just an element.... it was very compound.
I donot know if its just me (you know when you say that, that you mean its probably just you) who feels 25 is too young to accept responsibilities. And there are friends around me who know they are ready to be married. There are others who know they will be ready to be married. Still others who are... already married!!! Each of them have their own stories to tell, and I cannot but be amazed at the whole spectrum of experiences that they permeate. These days, discussions of the life beyond bachelorhood and singles poker night outs are forming a gargantuan part of my discussions with friends and roommates. And, just like with every other issue, I wonder.
Well, it all starts from the question of why do we want to get married. Companionship ?? Biological needs?? Emotional needs?? Pure Boredom?? Or is it just something that you are expected to get into at a certain stage of life?? Peer Pressure?? Familial Pressures?? Why, oh Why.
I do not know if its because I'm still studying (or studying still, depending on how you look at it) that the notion of me getting married has kept its distance from me. It almost feels weird. But then, when I look at my friends getting married, I start asking these questions - are we in that phase now?? Or is the phase setting a bit early in our generation? And what exactly is my generation??
Like any other guy, I have known people in love. People who seemed to be perfect to be married. People who appeared to just blend into each other. So true that its almost surreal. And people who got married, the "arranged" way. Who just took time to know each other. Been together through the boring, tough, frustrated, happy, indifferent, cold, warm, exciting times together. spent enough time living (after getting married) to see the best and worst in each other. Spent enough time to see the best in the worst of each other. And fell in love with each other. So real that its true. And then I have heard of others. Who are confident of being in love. But unsure if they are sure. So... surreal. Is it the notion of being in love or having someone to come home to or having some one to look forward to that captivates us and drives us towards the whole notion of marriage? For a long time, I thought this was a girlish notion. But if late, I am beginning to understand the universality of this notion (atleast among my clique).
Probably we are at a stage when our favorite pastimes (friends...) have got on with their lives - by their lives, I mean marriage. That makes us all the more lonelier than before. I remember the days when 20 of us would gather around and nothing would be taboo anymore. Slowly, the number crumpled and additions and adjustments were made. I guess we yearn for that sharing that pushes us towards finding a mate. Sharing where nothing... nothing is taboo.
The other day me and my roomie were going around with a friend to look for some houses when his real-estate agent popped a casual question about our girl friends. Pretty innoccuous in the hard rock culture. But what struck me was the universality and ubiquity of this question, in various forms from various quarters. There are (my friends') parents asking my friends about marriages. "Two years" is the most common answer. But then why do parents ask us now? And how is this different than the real estate agent asking me if I had a girlfriend?
I guess lot of things considered, this is probably just another case of social and peer pressure. Every body in the parents' peer group must be asking them about their wards' status with respect to marriage. Similar to what you would feel if all those guys (and girls) around you got married and asked you when you were tying. And by extrapolation, similar to what you would feel if everyone around you has a "girlfriend". Peer Pressure!!! But then, would parents understand that??? But then would that be right!!!
Almost all the girls I have known got married, but I was a little taken aback when I knew a lot of my friends who were guys were getting married. Of course, a couple of my very close friends had got married a couple of years back itself, but I knew them much better than anybody else, so the element of surprise was .... well...not an element at all. But here it was not just an element.... it was very compound.
I donot know if its just me (you know when you say that, that you mean its probably just you) who feels 25 is too young to accept responsibilities. And there are friends around me who know they are ready to be married. There are others who know they will be ready to be married. Still others who are... already married!!! Each of them have their own stories to tell, and I cannot but be amazed at the whole spectrum of experiences that they permeate. These days, discussions of the life beyond bachelorhood and singles poker night outs are forming a gargantuan part of my discussions with friends and roommates. And, just like with every other issue, I wonder.
Well, it all starts from the question of why do we want to get married. Companionship ?? Biological needs?? Emotional needs?? Pure Boredom?? Or is it just something that you are expected to get into at a certain stage of life?? Peer Pressure?? Familial Pressures?? Why, oh Why.
I do not know if its because I'm still studying (or studying still, depending on how you look at it) that the notion of me getting married has kept its distance from me. It almost feels weird. But then, when I look at my friends getting married, I start asking these questions - are we in that phase now?? Or is the phase setting a bit early in our generation? And what exactly is my generation??
Like any other guy, I have known people in love. People who seemed to be perfect to be married. People who appeared to just blend into each other. So true that its almost surreal. And people who got married, the "arranged" way. Who just took time to know each other. Been together through the boring, tough, frustrated, happy, indifferent, cold, warm, exciting times together. spent enough time living (after getting married) to see the best and worst in each other. Spent enough time to see the best in the worst of each other. And fell in love with each other. So real that its true. And then I have heard of others. Who are confident of being in love. But unsure if they are sure. So... surreal. Is it the notion of being in love or having someone to come home to or having some one to look forward to that captivates us and drives us towards the whole notion of marriage? For a long time, I thought this was a girlish notion. But if late, I am beginning to understand the universality of this notion (atleast among my clique).
Probably we are at a stage when our favorite pastimes (friends...) have got on with their lives - by their lives, I mean marriage. That makes us all the more lonelier than before. I remember the days when 20 of us would gather around and nothing would be taboo anymore. Slowly, the number crumpled and additions and adjustments were made. I guess we yearn for that sharing that pushes us towards finding a mate. Sharing where nothing... nothing is taboo.
The other day me and my roomie were going around with a friend to look for some houses when his real-estate agent popped a casual question about our girl friends. Pretty innoccuous in the hard rock culture. But what struck me was the universality and ubiquity of this question, in various forms from various quarters. There are (my friends') parents asking my friends about marriages. "Two years" is the most common answer. But then why do parents ask us now? And how is this different than the real estate agent asking me if I had a girlfriend?
I guess lot of things considered, this is probably just another case of social and peer pressure. Every body in the parents' peer group must be asking them about their wards' status with respect to marriage. Similar to what you would feel if all those guys (and girls) around you got married and asked you when you were tying. And by extrapolation, similar to what you would feel if everyone around you has a "girlfriend". Peer Pressure!!! But then, would parents understand that??? But then would that be right!!!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Welcome to 2007
So... the New Year is here... 2006.... errr !! sorry 2007...
Well... it's just another new day... Now I will have to get used to writing (or typing, or making a mental image) of the new year 2007 instead of 2006. And with the clock striking 12 on the watch the day, date, the year changed. Time for new resolutions. Time for rediscoveries. Time for reevaluations.
Like Birthdays, New year gives us a sense of time. A sense of nostalgia of all that happened in the past 365 days pervades in our psyche. A trip down the memory lane of how the last New Year was spent and celebrated. A sense of regret or acheivement over how the last year was spent. And a mental movie of how we want our forthcoming days to be (for the next 365 days atleast) runs in our mental background. Expectations rise. Dreams soar. A sense of Present Past and Future materialise. Anticipations crystallize.
I went through these motions too. Like every year, I made a resolution not to have any resolutions this year. Like every year I told myself to make my life more purposeful. Like every year, I warned myself that this year is critical. Like every year I told myself that I needed to change the direction of my life.
The tragedy of the whole thing has been that this is what happens every year. Its the same resolutions, its the same sense of underacheivement, the same sense of void, the same anger at how you have accepted the life for what it is and how you haven't put enough drive to change its direction, and in the end, the whole indifference to the lessons of the past. Of course, thats how losers live. And I'm afraid I have been just that so far.
I look at all my friends around me and see how much they have acheived so far. Not just in terms of professional growth. On personal, spiritual and mental levels, they have grown by leaps and bounds. They are adults in the true sense of the word and I seem to have regressed to the days of adolescence - never too sure of anything, wanting to do too many things, unable to sustain extended periods of efforts. So far I had taken all this in my stride telling myself its a part of my growth. May be its time to realise that the growth is stunted.
Yeah, I want to change the world, and I'm telling myself that I 'm biding my time. I think the time is here, Its this year. And it starts with me, myself. Yes, this year is critical. Yes there is a lot to acheive. Yes, this world needs to be changed. Only this time, I want these sentences to mean much more then their literal meanings. Only this time I do not want the 366 day from now have a deja vu feel of today. Only this time, I really want to look back and say I have grown, that I'm different from what I was. And what I have been, is a loser.
Well... it's just another new day... Now I will have to get used to writing (or typing, or making a mental image) of the new year 2007 instead of 2006. And with the clock striking 12 on the watch the day, date, the year changed. Time for new resolutions. Time for rediscoveries. Time for reevaluations.
Like Birthdays, New year gives us a sense of time. A sense of nostalgia of all that happened in the past 365 days pervades in our psyche. A trip down the memory lane of how the last New Year was spent and celebrated. A sense of regret or acheivement over how the last year was spent. And a mental movie of how we want our forthcoming days to be (for the next 365 days atleast) runs in our mental background. Expectations rise. Dreams soar. A sense of Present Past and Future materialise. Anticipations crystallize.
I went through these motions too. Like every year, I made a resolution not to have any resolutions this year. Like every year I told myself to make my life more purposeful. Like every year, I warned myself that this year is critical. Like every year I told myself that I needed to change the direction of my life.
The tragedy of the whole thing has been that this is what happens every year. Its the same resolutions, its the same sense of underacheivement, the same sense of void, the same anger at how you have accepted the life for what it is and how you haven't put enough drive to change its direction, and in the end, the whole indifference to the lessons of the past. Of course, thats how losers live. And I'm afraid I have been just that so far.
I look at all my friends around me and see how much they have acheived so far. Not just in terms of professional growth. On personal, spiritual and mental levels, they have grown by leaps and bounds. They are adults in the true sense of the word and I seem to have regressed to the days of adolescence - never too sure of anything, wanting to do too many things, unable to sustain extended periods of efforts. So far I had taken all this in my stride telling myself its a part of my growth. May be its time to realise that the growth is stunted.
Yeah, I want to change the world, and I'm telling myself that I 'm biding my time. I think the time is here, Its this year. And it starts with me, myself. Yes, this year is critical. Yes there is a lot to acheive. Yes, this world needs to be changed. Only this time, I want these sentences to mean much more then their literal meanings. Only this time I do not want the 366 day from now have a deja vu feel of today. Only this time, I really want to look back and say I have grown, that I'm different from what I was. And what I have been, is a loser.
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